He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
