I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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