PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
