My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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