OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
