I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
