Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
