If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I deserve this hangover.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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