his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
