I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
