You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
where are my eyebrows?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
