oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
