Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
