So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
