Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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