Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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