i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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