That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
