just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
