Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
