The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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