Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
