Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
