he told me I talked like a deaf person
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
