I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Randomize
