I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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