I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
