Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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