I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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