ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
