I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
