She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
