We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
