does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
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for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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