Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just want to make out with him forever
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
