I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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