i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
