i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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