drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
