Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
