I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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