Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He shit in the fireplace
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
