i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Randomize
