I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
