I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
