the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
