I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
