ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
