Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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