Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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