he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
