So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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