ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
