you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
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I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
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Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
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