Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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