the condom got lost in my hair
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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