my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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