New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
