My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
