1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
