So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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